I struggle to believe that the public chatter chatter of depression has been good for us. It seems that now every man and their dog has depression weather the medical profession is just finding it easier to label it all the same I don’t know. But I look around me and hear so many cases of people who are just having a bad day or who chose to have such high expectations that can’t cope when they fail and they are given antidepressants or label of suffering from depression. It make me feel like all my years of suffering is being belittled or just not worthy of any real help or understanding as everyone is so blase by the depression tag.
Oprah Winfrey had a whole television show based on the saying “You have to know yourself so others can love you” (not actually that wording but something like that) well that scared me …. get to know myself ….. let’s see, some days I am too scared to go out in public because I don’t have anything to say, I am overweight and I am not sure anyone would want to spend a nanosecond with me. Sometimes I feel so low, so worthless that I can’t see anyone caring if I am here or not. Some days I can’t process the most smallest of daily tasks because they seem to be to hard to defeat, too large to tackle, too complicated to do. Some days I have so many thoughts of anger towards people who have dismissed me or hurt me. Some days I am paralyzed with the thought of being around people, for people to judge me. People who I knew before I fell on to this roller coaster of darkness. They still think I am a capable person, I always smiled, talked to everyone, joined in with thinks, now some days I am only capable of going through the motions of my daily jobs, trying to not slip into the darkness. So get to know me so others can love me, why?