I stress myself out because I worry that my children will have these same issues. No mother wants to have their children go through the same suffering. They have their whole life to go through, so much happiness and fun, love and learning, exploration and growing. They can’t do that if they suffer anything like I have over the last several decades.
They were not aware of the times I was sinking into the blackness. They were young and not aware. Mum is always yelling, sometimes not full of life. Sometimes she is full of laughter, we go outside and play games then … then she would be tired, sad. I hope they did not think they were the reason I was sad. I worry that I made them feel like it was their fault. Something else I failed at; being a good mother.
I must save them from feeling this way. I watch them, very closely, can I see their signs? They can not go through this, I won’t let them.